People who grew up in dysfunctional families tend to develop insecure attachment styles and flawed mate selection. They choose the wrong intimate partners in order to reenact unfinished early childhood conflicts within a comfort zone.
The two types of “eligible” mates are those who offer absence and threaten presence and those who smother with their presence and threaten with their absence.
The first kind are transactional, aloof, detached, cold, and emotionally absent. They make their presence known only when they want to accomplish a purpose (they are goal oriented).
The second variety of partner are exactly the opposite: their constant nagging, clinging, romantic jealousy, and dependency border on emotional blackmail. When in the throes of engulfment anxiety or when they anticipate or perceive rejection or abandonment - they tend to withdraw and avoid as both a self-preservation strategy and punitively.
Most frequently, one type of partner is selected lifelong, but sometimes there is type inconstancy.
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